ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
