Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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