I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize