whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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