the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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