drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
