I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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