if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
