can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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