btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize