Non-Jews are for practice
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
