you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
