You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize