Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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