Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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