Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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