OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
