Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
