i think my tv is drunk
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
