She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
