I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
