does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
