I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
