Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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