Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
