Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
