My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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