heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
