Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
where am i from again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize