Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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