wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
