so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize