I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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