I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
