apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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