the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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