I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
