We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
