oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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