I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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