Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize