what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize