he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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