If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
