Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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