Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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