Can i not drive my cunt home
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
