Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
