i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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