i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
