I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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