I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
