Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
