Where are you?
In a non slutty way
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
