please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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