I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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