I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
